there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
