Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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