New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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