I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
