I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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