I can tuck mytits in my pants
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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