I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
