His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
