we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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