Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
