How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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