we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
