Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
