My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
