Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize