I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
