mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
