I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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