Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
