I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
