he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Houston, we have a squirter
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
