I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize