You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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