i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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