I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
