remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
