I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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