Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
