Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize