Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this just has baby written all over it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
