U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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