I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
