I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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