we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
