I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
