I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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