I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
