I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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