No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Someone shattered a urinal.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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