She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I would ride that face into the sunset
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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