Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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