Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
