I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
