The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
