I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
