Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
