FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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