I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
