He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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