I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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