oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize