that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
