Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
im on a boat
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