I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
pop tarts are not kleenex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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