I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
