I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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