Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just pynch a tree in the face
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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