that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize