she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
