The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
