It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
