Sponge bath it is.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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