New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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