he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize