pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
