my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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