Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
