East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
True strength comes from lack of pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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