yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
