Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
