I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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